9 ways for busy friends to read together

Beyond-book-club ideas for bookish besties

For as much of a bookworm I’ve been my entire life, traditional book clubs have never really worked for me as a means for socializing with friends. For one thing, I’m an avid library user, so getting a book on time can be a challenge.¹ I’m also unafraid to quit reading books I don’t like, so I am more likely to bail than to push through to be able to participate in the discussion. Plus, I have terrible memory recall, preferring my reading to be a leisure activity rather than something I’ll have to have meaningful thoughts about in the future.

This is unfortunate, because sharing books — whether via gifts or recommendations — is one of the most common “bids” in several of my friendships, including with Sam.²

Thankfully, Sam and I also recognized kindred spirits in each other’s struggles with structured book clubs. So, over the years, we’ve found other creative ways to enjoy books together, including:

• The snail mail swap: There was a period of time where Sam and I would each buy a (different) book, read it, leave marginalia for the other person, and then swap. It was lovely to see each other’s handwritten notes and underlines as we read through the text, and it means we each have a collection of books marked up by the other. (Those will go in the friendship archives, as we like to say.) That said, it fell out of favor a bit because of our preference for library books!³

Marginalia from our swapped read of Hold Still by Sally Mann

• The “live text” book chat: If one of us reads a book we’re especially excited to recommend, we’ll ask the other to “live text” their reactions as they read. I love the chaotic, stream-of-conscious discussion this leads to, and how it lets me enjoy Sam’s reaction to moments in real time. Sometimes we’ll do this if we’re reading a book at the same time as well, but we have to be a bit more careful about knowing where the other person is to avoid spoilers!

Sam live texting The Inheritance Games, the first of a series of Good Trash™️ books we both thoroughly enjoyed

• The pre-order pact: Sam is my pre-order queen and will regularly get me copies of upcoming books we can’t wait for as part of holiday or birthday presents. Ideally, we’d stay up all night reading them together like I used to do after midnight release parties with childhood friends. Instead, we enjoy knowing we’re reading them at the same time, with some careful live texting or casual chats about them during our weekly hangouts.⁴ This summer, we’re looking forward to co-reading Bury Our Bones in the Midnight Soil, a new standalone from one of our favorite authors, and Silverborn, the long-awaited latest installment of a series we both love.

Are there any books you’re excited to read with your bestie this summer? Or new releases you’re both itching to get your hands on?

• The read aloud: Sometimes, when we’re together having sleepy kitten time, we like to read out loud to each other. (As a kid, I used to read books out loud to my whole family after dinner each night, so this taps into something core in me.) This tends to work best with books of short stories or little vignettes.⁵

Your Forevers focus: Find a way to enjoy reading together

If you and a friend both love reading but haven’t found a way to bring that into your friendship regularly, look for a creative way to enjoy books together this month.

If you’re in the same place, maybe it’s as simple as sitting in the sun and reading your own books together, sharing thoughts that pop up or passages that you like in the moment.

Maybe you go to a bookstore together and each buy a book you think the other would enjoy, then plan to share your reactions with each other after the fact. (Think: Blind date with a book, the friendship edition.)

I spoke with another friend recently who said she and her bestie just have a shared note on their phones where they keep a running list of the books each of them is reading and then mark favorites or leave notes at the end of the year. (Sort of a more intimate Goodreads.)

I have another friend who finds book clubs intimidating but hosts an articles club with her group of girlfriends, where they read a few articles or listen to a podcast on a topic each month and discuss. If you prefer fiction, do something similar with a short story — you could even carve out some time at the start of your hang to sit and read it together, so no homework is required!

Maybe you set summer reading goals to keep each other accountable. (Honestly, I’m low-key obsessed with Sera Bonds’ summer reading bucket list, and could totally see myself doing this or creating my own with a faraway friend and sending selfies of us reading in all the required locations.⁶)

Maybe you borrow one of my and Sam’s bookish habits, or create your own!

The important thing here is that you are inviting a friend to share an experience that brings you joy (i.e., reading a delightful book), and that you are making it easy for them to say YES by tossing rigid expectations out the window.

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1. Sam note: I, on the other hand, am eternally behind schedule even when I have the book on hand.

2. Sam note: For those unfamiliar, a “bid” in relationships is an attempt by one partner to connect with the other partner. These can be big or small, verbal or nonverbal. The more bids you accept, the closer you grow. But the inverse is also true. Rejected or ignored bids can accumulate over time, causing you to drift apart.

3. Sam note: Do any e-reader folks know if you can import someone else's highlights and notes into a library copy of a digital book?

4. Sam note: If one of us is especially busy, we sometimes delay starting by a day or two until we can enjoy the book "together." I'd rather avoid spoilers online and share the experience with Erin!

5. Sam note: Also, audiobooks!!! Which you can access from most libraries through the Libby app :)

6. Sam note: OMG I LOVE THIS. 100% let's do it, Erin.