25 ways to deepen your friendships in 10 minutes or less
Play friendship bingo to make building habits extra fun
Last week, I had a 10-minute date with a friend — and loved it.
She is essentially a single mom, so it can be hard for us to find meaningful time together with her busy schedule. After several failed attempts to hang out, she messaged me on a Tuesday afternoon saying that she had 30 minutes before school pickup and would be spending it with a book at a wine bar if I wanted to join. But by the time I pulled myself out of work, read the text, and got myself out the door, we only had a few minutes left to chat.
I’m still so glad I still went. Being in each others’ company in the sun was a wonderful little gem of connection. Rather than feeling like I was being squeezed in, the fact that our time was so limited and we did it anyways felt like a commitment to deepening our friendship no matter what. I hope she messages me more often in short, free moments like that. (Note to self to actually tell her that.)
It makes me think of something my physical therapist told me the other day as she handed me a page of stretches: Consistency is more important than quantity. She encouraged me to pick a stretch or two and make sure I spend a few minutes doing them every day rather than try to do them all and, therefore, feel too overwhelmed to make time for it often.
I think the same applies to friendships, yet we too often spend all our energy trying to get the big hangouts on the books at the expense of smaller ways we can consistently connect.1 Relationships can be deepened just as much by looking for easy ways to weave each other in consistently.
Your Forevers focus: Practice small moments of friendship connection
This week, we encourage you to brainstorm actions you could feasibly take every day to deepen your friendships, and build the habit of doing them consistently.
To help you out (and make it a little more fun) we’ve made a bingo board full of ideas. Sam and I have been calling it SPRINGO (and giggling every time we do), and it’s filled with actions that should take you 10 minutes or less. You can download a printable version here, and we’ve also created a blank version if you prefer to fill it with your own ideas.
You could focus all of these actions on one forever friend or pick a few friends you wish you were closer to and spread the love. They can all be easily adapted to virtual activities for faraway friends (e.g., give each other a call while you both go on a walk around the block).
Try to do at least one a week and complete bingo by the end of the month. If you want extra credit, challenge yourself to do one a day and fill the whole board. Consider habit-stacking this with something you already do every day, like completing one of these while you drink your morning coffee or replacing some phone-scrolling time with a friendship-boosting activity.
As a bonus incentive, if you hit bingo by April 30 and upload a picture of your board to our subscriber chat, we’ll mail you a little treat.2
Think of it almost like scattering seeds for your friendships. None of these actions is likely to make a huge immediate impact, and it’s hard to know what exactly will stick, but over time, this will help something beautiful bloom in your friendships.
Sam note: I fall prey to this way of thinking too often. I feel like I have to plan something substantial to be worth interrupting my friends’ busy days. But through practice, I am slowly learning that a 5-minute hang is not only better than none, it alleviates the pressure and lets me focus on building connection instead.
Sam note: Who among us doesn’t want a little treat in the mail! (Stay tuned for a post about mini-care packages later this month).