Friends who "aren't political," diversifying your relationship portfolio, and a glimmer of hope
Things to read, do, and send to your besties this month
This month in friendship, Erin… has honestly felt kind of bad at friendship. I haven’t socialized much and, when I have, I’ve struggled to feel fully engaged. But, I like to think that like seeds or furry little mammals, my friendships aren’t suffering but just hibernating, resting up for a fruitful season to come. I started to feel that bud peeking out when I attended my local Creative Morning’s event with a friend this week and then actually felt energized for a breakfast catchup afterwards. The global theme of the month for the event was کورسو (koor·soo), a Farsi word meaning “a faint glimmer of hope.” I though back to the ways friendships have provided that this month: the faraway friend texting me near daily with checkins and sweet videos of her twin babies, the friend who got me out of the house to join thousands of community members in the Walk for Peace, even watching silly shows with Sam during our weekly TV night. Together, we can make it through the iciest season of the year.
This month in friendship, Sam…celebrated my birthday. Having a January birthday can be a real bummer, even in the best of times. After a few weeks of dragging my feet, wondering who on earth would venture into this SAD weather for me, I (shyly) asked my tabletop gaming buddies if they’d be interested in getting together. I tried to downplay it: our game night falls on Wednesdays, this one would just include a fancy dessert. They responded with unexpected enthusiasm — one of them even created a custom game called “Best Laid Plans” inspired by Safdie Brothers films. Instead of roleplaying as humans in chaotic, desperate situations all of our characters were vermin (which lightened the vibes significantly) trying to repay a debt owed to a golden-egg-laying goose. For my part, I played a drag queen pigeon named Pete Zaparty after a real life drag king in NYC who participated in a “pigeon lookalike contest”. A long-distance friend sent a confetti cake from Milk Bar which I shared with everyone as we improvised our over-the-top story. It was silly, sweet, and low stress, and I got to do one of my favorite things with my friends!
Favorite friendship finds
Here are some lovely friendship links we found this month for you to click on and share with the people you love:
Jameela Jamil’s thoughts on why choosing not to have children does not mean she’ll be alone in her old age, thanks to her friends:
“I say all of this not in defense of my decision [to not have children], but to encourage and inspire you to pick up the phone and call your friends this week. Do not take them for granted. They are your greatest investment in this life, other than maintaining your bone density. Keep their hearts safe in your pocket, and do not let them go. I say this especially to those with children, as those of us without have long been pursuing these die hard bonds. Nothing and nobody is guaranteed, whether skinfolk nor kinfolk. Diversify your life’s portfolio outside of your nest.”
We haven’t listened to the podcast, but love this question of “what are you doing alone that you could be doing together?” Excited to see more of the stories they highlight!
Looking for new friends? Surround yourself with people who you can learn about a new part of your identity with.
Related, what it feels like trying to talk with new friends from the show we’ve been watching together lately.
Jenny Singer from Uneasy Going on why you really don’t need a friend group.
Our favorite season of the year is here (Oscar animated short season, obvs) and we loved this sweet story of meeting a new friend on a late-night adventure. Thanks Animation Obsessive Staff for sharing it!!
ICYMI: A Forevers recap!
We brainstormed a huge list of friendship resolutions, from tiny things you can achieve today to big shifts that will set the tone for your year. We’d love to hear if you set any friendship-related resolutions!
We came up with some gentle ideas for getting through the dregs of winter with your friends (whether you get official SAD or not!).
We reviewed the book Attensity! about the negative effects of the attention economy on our relationships, and suggested some ways to bring more of your full attention to your friendships.
We want to build a huge community of forever friends. If you have a few in your life who you think would enjoy our musings on friendship, we’d love it if you’d share it with them!
Things we sent each other
It may have been Sam’s birthday this month, but Erin got the true gift of a flurry of pictures of little Sammy.
This will be our only entry into the Heated Rivalry discourse.
Further proof that we are all just trying to survive the season together.